bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
