too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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