Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
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It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
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This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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