His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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