i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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