i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
it's not cheating when I paid for it
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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