I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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