tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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