I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
