The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
