while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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