i just wanna soil my oats bro
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
