there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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