Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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