We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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