Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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