Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I think your dad took our porno
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Randomize
