You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
