Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
