I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
