Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
