The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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