i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I looked at my own cervix.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
