I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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