Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
