hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
