remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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