Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize