had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize