It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
