im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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