Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
All I want is dick and wine.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
