Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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