Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
