Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
