I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize