So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
