Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Randomize
