I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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