respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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