Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
