I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
we made out on top of his cat.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
