well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
