we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
