i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
