If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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