bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
