Just mADE A PArabola og urine
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
