Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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