the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
