Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
