I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize