Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
