I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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