I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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