i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
