my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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